Friday, 14 March 2008

  • How To Kill A Ghost [From Your Past] and Get Away With It

     

    [Author's Note: This piece of blabber was written sometime after Christmas last year (roughly three months ago) and has just recently got the chance to be finally moved from the author's chunky pseudo writer's journal to right in front of your computer screens.]

    I know, I know, its just a little bit since Christmas and while everyone are in their high spirits and gallant attitude, you are probably thinking why the hell would someone be writing about such a morbid topic like killing. Well dear unfortunate reader, while Christmas may be the time to mend broken ties and patch up severed relationships, it is also the perfect time for people you don't want to ever hear from again (some of them you have already forgotten to have existed, some unconsciously removed from your brain as an act of self-preservation) to get a legitimate excuse to play chummy with you again. In a perfect world, there might not be any contention to this matter but the problem is, our world is nowhere near perfection.

    Case in point: Just recently, the guy who dumped me in my senior year ion high school suddenly materialized before my cell phone in the form of a text message. What follows is an actual transcript of our conversation, if you may call it like that:

    (For purposes of curbing any attempt of a libel suit filed against me, we will just refer to him as F, consequently, J would be me)

    F: Hi
    J: Hus ds?

    Several minutes pass by.

    F: (states his name)
    J: Joke ba 'to? Hus ds nga?

    Another few moments pass by before the reply. Every gap between each message only strengthens my theory that the one sending me the message is an impersonator trying to get a laugh off of me. I get that all the time from my former high school classmates when they change their numbers.

    F: (his name) nga
    J: Weh, joke tym ka ha. Cno ka nga?
    F: Ung sasabihin kong si (name) nga magrereply ka pa ba?
    J: Ewan ko

    We chatted a little bit, me still unsure if I'm dealing with a poser or not. Then...

    J: Cno kba tlga?
    F: Ako nga 2. Bkt ba cnsbi mo na d ako 2?
    J:  Kc ndi mxed upper and lwer case txt mo
    F: Sabi ko nman JS nagbgo nko, nagbgo na

    Yes indeed he changed. For the worst, that is but I would not find that out till much much later.

    J: Ok, sbi mo eh

    After that exchange, my utopian world (okay, not really. I'm broke, single and my course is killing me but that's beside the point) was shattered as with every time he reappears in my post-apocalyptic life. I ended up acting like a jerk, even confessing that I still have feelings for him after all this time (not to mention all the trouble he has caused me consciously or unconsciously). And yes, that was embarrassing, cheesy, the dumbest thing I could have done in that situation, But then again, I realized that maybe it would be best if I try to set things between us right, even if it means becoming friends with him again. At this point, honestly, I wasn't even hoping of having a romantic relationship with him, not only because he already has a boyfriend but just because I don’t want to.

    The following days were a little promising but are also witness to gradual changes in attitude he adapted. I was happy to be in control of the situation, at least I no longer feel that chest-squeezing sensation or the kick-in-the-gut- feeling I used to get when receiving his messages (and a monumental development: I can now even write about it without getting too sentimental!). I enjoyed being cold to him, of not initiating any cell phone mediated conversation. I had fun giving him all the angst he had me grow deep within. I was proud of myself for that, though I admit it was a little grueling but all it took was a DVD marathon of Alice Academy to get him off my mind.

    I managed to pull through, for almost a week I was able to do maintain that pace, not noticing the evil brewing along. Then before I knew it, he was again in control of the situation. I noticed that every time he texted me, it would be about his boyfriend. Never mind that we had an earlier agreement to not talk about love life and that sort of stuff, I took it as an allowable lapse in his judgment. Though I dared not remind him of that taboo rule, I wanted badly to invoke it but it was at the same time the perfect opportunity to observe him, his communication patterns, everything. In short, I used him as a guinea pig to test the communication theories I learned under the tutelage of professor Deza. I had three theories about why F did what he does:

    First, he's a sadist. He purposely sent me those messages to try and make me jealous because he enjoys other people's misery. He probably believes that I am a masochist because I subscribe to the emo kind of lifestyle (point of clarification, I am just in for the fashion and music but NOT the lifestyle. Okay, maybe a little but not that much. Though I also have to point out that the emo thing has been abused by the jumping jologs society with their all black jumping gimmicks. Ewe). If this first theory is correct, then I don't want to play the part of being the all-time snack for his ego.

    The second theory I have is still from a psychological perspective. He could be a battered boyfriend, currently unhappy with his relationship so he's turning to me as a sort of stress reliever. He could be venting all his disappointments on me but I don’t want to play the unwilling participant anymore. I think I should buy him one of those famous fluffy anti-stress toys you can buy in SM.

    And third, he envies me. I think this is a little far-fetched but it is possible. Maybe he wants to live my life like the way many soap opera kontrabidas go. I don't know.

    Whatever his reason, by the end of December I had enough. The whole time that he kept blabbering about his boyfriend, I employed a communication theory I cooked up myself, Cognitive Ignorance, I call it. I ignored it on purpose, to infuriate him. The greatest defense to people like him is to show that his schemes are no longer working. Indeed, using this technique, people with cruel intentions self-destruct and that was what I think happened. Let me illustrate from another actual transcript of our exchanges:

    F: JS, bkit ba ndi dpat mgstarbucks ang mga tao? Ano b ang dpat sbhin sa mga taong msaya kpg nkkpgstrbucks pra 2mgil na cla? Nkkpgtalo kc ako eh ayoko kc sa mga taong ngsstrbucks

    Although I have already read the message at three am, I chose to reply only the next morning.

    J: Sori, preho kmi ng opinyon eh. msrap mgsbucks lalo na ung cramel mcchiato. Nku syang ndi ko yta mpupuno ung stcker pra s plannr mganda p nman planner nla.
    F:Wateber

    With that reply I know I have succeeded in deflecting him. Maybe he thought I would take on his side and try to hit on him or something. By completely disowning that conception, he short-circuited. The following exchanges were a psy-war for me since. Then I decided to end it where we had a minor fight. It felt good.

    J: Dn't give me that attitude blah blah blah I don't want your attitude, I already have mine blah blah blah
    F: Kung galit ka fine blah blah blah

    That concluded everything and I never heard from him again since. Wait, I did hear from him one last time after that. He appeared to have been applying for a call center in Ortigas (I later found out the call center to be pornographic, it was American ChatLink, where call center agents engage costumers in instant messaging while a model performs cybersex with the client. Heard it all in BITAG by the Tulfo brothers, they have raided it November 2007. This just means that American ChatLink is again online). He asked me to create a profile for him because he is impersonating an adult American porn star. Here was my reply:

    J: Don't you get it? I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. And please, get yourself a decent job.

    Though what had transpired shook me a little, it was a much needed entertainment break from my sordid Christmas break. And the greatest part is that, without much effort, I was able to cannibalize that experience to write this. =)

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